all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
