at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
