I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
