I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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