just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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