just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
