Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
