considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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