M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
