omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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