so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
