u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
