I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
