I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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