remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
