Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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