Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
