I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
