benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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