So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize