i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
