the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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