i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
