I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
