i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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