I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
