All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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