Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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