Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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