Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
