so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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