Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
