its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
