Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't turn off my feet"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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