3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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