apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I intend to get homeless drunk
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
