i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
