I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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