she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
