Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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