I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
