I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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