Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
