im about as happy as oj after his trial
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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