Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i love accidental penises.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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