May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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