I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
