they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
