all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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