I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just found puke in my bra..
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
