It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
