I understand Curling. That high.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
