operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
