I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
