How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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