Please, let me fuck your mom
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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