Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
