Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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