She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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