May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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